I have got nothing against God. I just can't stand his fan club!

God can't be everywhere, so he made mothers.

My iPhone is broken. I've pushed the HOME button but I'm still at work!

My girlfriend is like a new iPhone, because I don't have one...

I had a dream to read other people's minds. Then I joined Facebook...!

Facebook is the way for adults to have imaginary friends.

I don't believe in Santa because no white dude would come into my district at night.

There was only one Christmas - the others are just anniversaries.

Oh, it's your birthday today?! Thank you, Facebook!

I drink only on 2 occasions. When it's my birthday and when... it's not!