Funny quotes about men

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Funny men quotes

True man is looking for danger and game. For that reason he wants woman since she is the most dangerous plaything.

Women now have choices. They can marry or not marry, have a job or not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have two choices: work or go to prison.

The longest sentence a man says: "I do."

Men are very simple creatures. They can survive a whole holiday with only 3 things: beer, shorts and the remote control.

When a man brings flowers to his wife for no reason, it means that there's a reason.

To be happy with a man, woman needs to understand him a lot and to love him a little. To be happy with a woman, man must love her a lot and not even try to understand her.

80 percent of married men cheat in America. The rest... cheat in Europe.

The ideal man returns home early, doesn't flirt with other women, doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't gamble and... doesn't exist.

What a strange creature a man is. And a woman is even stranger...

God created men with both, a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to run them at the same time. (American actor Robin Williams)

A woman without a man is like a fish without bicycles.


Funny quotes about men's ego, feelings and nature

Talk to a man about him and he will listen for hours.

A man who doesn't understand women is either a bachelor or a husband.

Men want their wives to be clever just enough to appreciate their wisdom and stupid just enough to admire it.

If women were able to read minds, men would get slapped each second.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

Women fake orgasms to have relationships. Men fake relationships to have orgasms!

A successful man can make more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Men never grow up. They just get bigger!

When woman goes wrong man goes right after her. (American actress Mae West)

All men are just animals, but some make better pets.

While creating the world, God promised women that a good and ideal man would be found in all corners of the Earth. Then He made the Earth round...

A man does what a man has to do. A woman must do what he can't!

There is a name for men who are always wrong about everything all the time. Husband! (American comedian Bill Maher)


Funny man and woman quotes

Men are incomplete until they are married. After that, they are finished.

When women are upset they either eat or go shopping. When men are depressed they invade another country.

Women are always worried about the things men forget. Men are always worried about the things women remember.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man is better in seeing than thinking.

A woman doesn't need a man to solve all her problems. She needs one who won't become a problem!

-I kiss my wife every morning before leaving for office. And what about you?
-Me too... after you leave...!

Women say men can't focus on two things at once. Boobs disprove this theory!

Woman's words "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" and a man's words "I'll be at home in 5 minutes" mean exactly the same!

Women like silent men. Women think they're listening. - (French playwright Marcel Achard)

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